


The Last Dream of my Soul

by Tresapes



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Steve Rogers, F/M, Natasha Romanov-centric, Not Beta Read, POV Natasha Romanov, POV Steve Rogers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-04-25 01:56:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14368416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tresapes/pseuds/Tresapes
Summary: Captain America and Black Widow face the challenges of the world and their own personal journeys through the MCU. Together.





	1. First Encounters

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> It's been a long time since I started wanting to write something about these two! This story is a telling of the MCU as viewed by Natasha and Steve, and as it relates to their lives and their emerging relationship. I'm still trying to get their voices right but I hope you will enjoy reading this!

Everything dies. After a century of living, that is all Natasha believed in and all she needed to know. Legends didn’t affect her, she didn’t believe in them. Nonetheless she knew all there was to know about Captain America, and when she saw him stepping on the Helicarier, she knew he could never surprise her. Even the ease with which he accepted her presence in that environment was expected.

“Ma’am.”

“Hi.”

Natasha likes to remember. It’s not just that she has control of her memories now and she enjoys it, it’s how much knowledge is hidden in the things that went unnoticed. She can look back on their first meeting fondly and realise that if he knew anything about her back then, he would have been proud that the Black Widow had been as real as she could be from her very first moment with him.

Natasha didn’t believe in legends. But she liked Cap.

It didn’t take much to make him like her in return. Treat him like a human and not a war poster. The Russian in her, (the blood that still remembered what it was like to stay put in a sniper’s nest until told otherwise, who remembers the snow melting around her, only to freeze again with her body trapped inside it and yet not move a muscle), is proud that if she wanted to, America’s greatest soldier would be putty in her hands. She won’t toy with him, but she won’t deny herself the satisfaction of poking some fun at his obvious discomfort with his surviving fame as a wartime Ken doll.

Watching his interactions with Banner makes her glad with how he seems to be capable of handling the doctor. They were people who lived their lives as pieces of a chessboard, and her role was to observe, monitor, analyse behaviours. She can see the captain’s easy acceptance of people, the way he sees their weak spots and avoids them. He did it with Banner. Fury will be pleased; the boyband has a leader.

 

* * *

  

It’s a good thing she has seen everything, otherwise being in a quinjet with a God, a super human and Stark might have brought her to a state of distraught as bad as that of the copilot’s. She resists the urge to roll her eyes at him and keeps Fury updated:

“What’s taking you so long?”

“Stark is having a fit.”

“That was calculated within mission parameters.”

“I’m just gathering intel.”

“Just get Loki here and then when this is over, you can supervise Stark and the Captain while they’re fighting in the playpen.”

“His antagonistic tendency appears almost premeditated. It might ruin your plan, even in the long run.”

“Right now, the long run is the next day. Get Loki here.”

One of her ears intently listens to Cap getting acquainted with Iron Man. She doesn’t understand why Fury doesn’t _get_ that the relationship between his two main assets is more important than whatever the miracle child with textbook daddy issues is brewing. But Black Widow never intervenes, never makes her presence –or observations known- unless it’s absolutely necessary. Natasha enjoys watching the events unfold in the way that she expects them to, and if that means allowing her boss to make his mistakes, that is fine by her. She has already survived it all and she always has her own mission. This time the mission has a name.

When lighting strikes, she is more than thankful for Thor ex Machina bringing the other miracle child with textbook daddy issues to a stop, for the time being. Natasha is not very fond of confrontations outside of her control, which is why she attempts to talk Cap out of being part of that specific one. The less variables, the better, not that he would listen to her, he is a good man, but he’s still a man. His kind rarely listens.

 

* * *

 

“… Well let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.”

They all watched as Loki walked around his cell. He should look like a caged tiger, instead, he looked like a king, roaming around his throne hall.

She could hear the others discussing but she knew all she needed to know. Loki was exactly where he wanted to be.

“An army. From outer space.”

The captain’s eyes searched for hers. She knew he was looking for a confirmation; his eyes were asking her, is this real? She allowed herself to enjoy the fact that he was already connected with her enough to seek answers from her, to seek her opinion. It was one of her objectives, to establish a connection with all members of the team. Still, the truth was that Natasha had seen it all on this Earth. But not on any others. Her avoiding his gaze was answer enough. They were both on uncharted territory as far as _this_ was concerned.

Banner was blessedly relaxed, now that their very legitimate reason for bringing him here was plotting away in his cell.

“He wants to open a portal, that’s why he needed Dr. Serwig, he’s an astrophysicist.”

“He’s a friend.”

She didn’t like the direction the conversation was taking. They were making this personal.

“Loki has him under some kind of spell. Along with one of our own.”

“I don’t think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy’s brain is a bag full of cat’s, you can smell crazy on him.”

“Have a care with how you speak. Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother.”

“He killed 80 people in 2 days.”

“…He’s adopted.”

So much for trying to steer the conversation away from their personal involvements.

Natasha was for once thankful for Stark crashing the party and gathering all the attention. Thanks to him she slipped out of the room unnoticed. She didn’t need to hear anything more, they would never manage to come up with a plan, she had to act and she had to act fast, they weren’t a team yet and it was showing.

She wasn’t sure if Banner and Stark getting along was a good or a bad thing. She filed that thought away and connected with Fury.

“The air is getting heavy. We are running out of time.”

“I noticed. What do you propose?”

“I’m going in.”

She could almost see Fury stop walking right outside the conference room as he considered this.

“Wait for my signal.”

Natasha took a deep breath. Their leads had reached an end. Their players were in position. Someone had to make a move or they risked running out of time. Fury needed more information before he made his move, but Natasha had all the data she needed. Waiting now meant someone else was going to catch up to them. After a century of living, the fact that this was still a world of men made her trigger finger twitch.

 

* * *

 

At the same time, Stark and Banner were bonding, while Steve was finally on a mission he felt he could handle.

Steve was coping. He was learning. It felt a bit like getting the serum again, people don’t usually realize this, but becoming Captain America felt a lot like being reborn. At least, what he thinks being reborn must feel like. Waking up in the 21st century was similar to that, so at least he can be thankful for having some prior experience to being brand new and unknowing.

Steve was good at measuring up people. He wasn’t very fond of Fury, but SHIELD was founded by Peggy and if Peggy approved of him, so would he. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to see what he was scheming. There was a lot of scheming going on and it wasn’t just Fury’s. Stark was up to something, and Steve didn’t just think that because he disliked the man. And then there was agent Romanoff.

Seeing her when the plane landed knocked the wind out of his lungs. It was her eyes. In all the time he spent in this century everything felt foreign, out of place. She seemed achingly familiar. He knew she read him like a book, while her mere existence threw him off balance. It didn’t make sense, he saw many beautiful women these days, and they all liked him enough, but somehow she walked up to him with the knowing confidence of an old friend, and he believed it. Was it an act? He couldn’t say. There was no way a woman like her was what she showed to the world. She raised a dichotomy in him, he felt more relaxed and more wired when she was around. Her presence made him more comfortable with his environment, but she was like a silent river, an understated force he couldn’t comprehend, it kept him at the edge of his seat and made him hyper aware of his words and actions.

All in all, he was more than glad to scout the place on his own, clear his mind and get his answers. But he still found it strange that with all the things going on, agent Romanoff still existed at the edge of his mind, like a riddle he couldn’t solve.

 

 


	2. The Widow's Web

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> This chapter is really focused on Natasha's journey. I'm trying to give some insight into her psyche, so that her actions later on will make sense. Hope you'll enjoy it :D

“You know, sometimes, I surprise even myself.”

“That sounds decidedly untrue, sir.”

“JARVIS, please quit yapping and bring up Fury’s channel.”

Bruce looked up from his work at that.

“What’s going on?”

Stark had a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

“Oh nothing. JARVIS just finished hacking into SHIELD’S mainframe and we, as of right now, have access to all of Fury’s toys. Do you want me to send for a jet that will send you straight to the Bahamas?”

“The channel is up sir.”

_“…Natasha, status.”_

_“Awaiting orders. Sir.”_

_“… Get me some answers.”_

_“Affirmative.”_

Tony’s eyes gleamed at that.

“JARVIS, find agent Romanoff’s position and give me the video feed.”

“Tony what are you doing?”

Bruce could see where this was going and he wasn’t very excited about it. He didn’t trust SHIELD, but they had more serious problems than their petty differences right now. Plus, Natasha Romanoff seemed like the kind of person you don’t trifle with. He wasn’t afraid of her per say, but he was afraid of what he could do if her retaliation brought the other guy out.

“You want to find out what Fury is brewing in his cauldron, right? Red is Fury’s little helper, we follow her and we learn what Fury wants.”

“This doesn’t look like the right way of going about this Tony.”

“We could sit here and argue about what’s right, while people like _them_ , who have no care about following some unwritten rules, make calls that could affect the fate of the world. What do you say?”  
  
“Video feed is at the ready sir.”

Bruce didn’t have to think about it, even though he would probably regret it. Life was always like that for him it seemed.  
  
“Play it.”

“JARVIS, you heard the man.”

One of the screens turned and there she was. With Loki.

_“…There’s not many people who can sneak up on me.”_

Bruce watched. In disbelief. Who was this woman? This vulnerable creature trying to bargain with the God of Lies? When he met her in Kolkata she was empathetic, yes, but this was different. Did she really expect Loki would empathize with her?

He turned to Tony with a bewildered expression, only to see the man smirking at the screen.

“You better watch this doctor because I can assure you; it’s going to be _very_ entertaining.”

So Bruce watched. He watched as agent Romanoff showed all her cards. He watched as Loki took in her vulnerability and stomped on it. Her face was ashen; he could see the slight tremors going through her body like an earthquake, shaking her to the core. He understood she must have done horrible deeds, maybe as bad as his, maybe worst; he did not want to watch anymore. He felt her pain too much, the blood on her hands; he understood too much, his vision was turning green at the edges.

_“…You think rescuing one man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality; this is a child at prayer!”_

“I don’t think we should be watching this. What is even happening, what is this?” He felt control slipping away, thinking of his own pathetic attempts at redemption.

Tony didn’t even take his eyes –or attention- away from the screen as he replied.

“Don’t let this fool you doctor. It’s not real, we just have to wait and see.”

Bruce turned back to the video feed with trepidation. He watched in horror, in pain, as a woman he barely knew was reliving her nightmares. He didn’t need to know her to understand that, their fears were shockingly similar, and the bearing of her soul was too much for him, he felt like a sadistic voyeur, he lived through it with her, he struggled for control as her spirit bent and her voice came out broken.

_“… You’re a monster.”_

_“No, you brought the monster…”_

A breath. That’s all it took. Her shaking back stilled, her bent head came up. She turned around, a different woman, fire burning in her eyes like an active volcano. She stalked in Loki’s direction like a predator.

_“So, Banner, that’s your play?”_

Now Bruce could feel his body trembling like an aftershock. Tony turned his eyes to him, his gaze betraying his shock. Well fuck.

Screen agent Romanoff kept going, her steps steady as she was voicing orders in her mic. If anything, Loki’s bewildered expression was priceless.

_“Thank you, for your cooperation.”_

Who the hell was this woman?! She looked at Loki the same way a spider looks at a fly caught in her web. In absolute control. It was exciting. It was terrifying. It was too much.  
  
Tony whistled.

“ _That’s_ what I call entertainment.”

Bruce turned to him, shock in his eyes. Tony seemed entertained, but there was an underlying stress in his movements. That was one hell of a horror show. Tony looked at him with something akin to sympathy. It was gone in a blink.

“Don’t get too upset doc, you heard the Russian Terror, as long as you’re here you’re fine.”

“How can you believe anything that comes out of that woman’s mouth after what we just witnessed?”

“I don’t need her word for it. We have eyes and ears everywhere now, we are in control.”

“In control? Were we watching the same feed? Tony, not even a God is in control of this situation. This is the exact opposite of being in control; we are being led around like pawns on a chessboard!”

“Not anymore! Trust me my friend, I’ve been through this before and this time, _I_ have the upper hand. We have our trackers at the ready; we’ll get to the tesseract as soon as it shows up. And look! All of Fury’s plans right at our fingertips. We are at the top of this game, and we will save the world.”

Bruce was unconvinced, but he didn’t say anything. He was on edge and he wasn’t coming back. It was like a bug under his skin, like an itch. His worst fears had been justified and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was trapped, and everyone on this ship was fucked.

“Listen dude, you need to calm yourself. Do you want to become a self-fulfilled prophecy? Even worst, do you want that evil mastermind to know what you’ve seen? Because let me tell you, she will take one look at you and she will know what’s up. And she will know how you learned, and I really don’t want to be at the receiving end of her sting. Just play it cool, we have the weapons’ plans, focus your anger on that, and not the other stuff.”

Bruce turned away and paced. He tried not to think about this last half hour of his life. He tried to forget the fear that gripped his soul as Loki’s plans unraveled. Most of all, he tried to forget about that woman. The one whose victory smile was full of sharp teeth. The one who shifted and changed in front of his very eyes, like an illusion. He could never be sure again, what was the truth? What he saw when her eyes turned to him in kindness, or the darkness that hid within? He shuddered and awaited the verdict. 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Of all the stupid, villainous plans he could come up with…”_

Maria Hill really wished she could tune out her boss once in a while. Now, in the middle of a global crisis, when he decided to go off on their channel was one of those times.

“Sir, you might want to focus on something else at the moment.”

_“What else do you have Hill?”_

“I’m getting readings from another end sir.”

_“Meaning?”_

“Meaning someone’s snooping around for a lot more than just the tesseract.”

“ _Shit.”_

Eloquent.

“Orders sir?”

_“Kick them out of the mainframe; I’m on my way there now.”_

“Yes sir.”

Well, that was hardly enough of an objective. What kind of an intelligence agency were they, if whenever someone broke into their communication channels and files they just cut them out and left it at that?

“Natasha, can you read me?”

_“…Yes.”_

“We had a leak from our systems.”

_“I can’t say it’s unexpected.”_

Maria’s eyes will roll to the back of her head one of these days.

“You might want to be prepared; they hacked into the video feed from room 105.”

_“... I am getting to them now. Romanoff out.”_

Well shit.

 

* * *

 

Super soldiers and egotistic geniuses incapable of keeping their noses out of other people’s business, or simply sticking to their assigned tasks, power-hungry Gods that cause chaos and destruction wherever they roam, huge green monsters with anger issues and a great lack of self-control. A whole lot of individualism and zero capability of seeing the bigger picture. This day would go down as a difficult one.

Everything spiraled out of control so fast. Natasha had just been running for her life when Thor broke through that wall and took the monster with him. Yet her heart was still hammering while she sat in the corner, frozen like a wild animal. Living the life that she did made one thing certain, she was not afraid of death. But what she lived through today, was a lot more terrifying than the end of a life. She can still feel the hair on the back of her neck standing at attention from when the team was arguing in the lab. She can still feel the outsider’s influence, Loki. That tickle in her brain that made it difficult to think, not just for her, for all of them. How could she fight this? How could anyone fight this? She couldn’t even comprehend it enough to explain it, and she was avoiding the word magic because she refused to believe it as possible. She needed time. She needed to regroup. She needed to make sense of this.

The wild thing inside her that kept her alive for so long was pushing her to find a way out. She couldn’t fight this, this wasn’t what she was meant to do, this wasn’t what she was trained for. She fought wars not battles, she could handle a loss and calculate the damage. She pushed her back to the wall and tried to force herself out of that mindset. She had a reason to be here. She had a mission, and Black Widow always completed her missions.

_“…It’s Barton! He took out our systems, he’s heading for the detention level, does anybody copy?”_

Her eyes blew wide open and focused. She felt her heartbeat get back to normal, her body falling into familiar patterns.

“This is agent Romanoff. I copy.”


	3. The Captain Who Wouldn't Give Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!
> 
> I'm happy to be off canon and on to my own additions to the story! This way I am allowed to develop the relationship between Steve and Natasha further, not only by illustrating why their bond is the way it is, but also letting the romance (only implied in the films) grow naturally between them. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Steve used to have such trouble breathing. It is a fundamental need, and it was a constant struggle for him. Fighting off bullies was nothing compared to agonizing over your next breath. Somedays it was all he could get done. Breathe in, and out. He was so grateful for the ease the serum allowed him now. He took in the dusty air in huge gulps. Walking through the ruins of a city he thought he had saved a few months ago, Steve felt tired, worn. His heart was heavy with the many _almosts,_ of the last few hours. They almost had the tesseract, they almost stopped Loki, they almost plunged into their deaths along with thousands of others onboard the hellicarier. Agent Romanoff almost died.

He doesn’t have specific information, but he’s sure the beast went after her. He saw how upset the doctor was with her when they had been arguing in the lab, and even though she put up an excellent front and didn’t give anything away herself, her partner did, even before she took a jab at the doctor herself. He saw how the archer’s posture changed when Banner appeared on that bike, not that he blames him for it. He already felt connected with these two; he recognized the military training in both of them, and that made working together much easier. He couldn’t believe the understanding that already existed between him and the Widow. He trusted her judgement without question, and he exhibited that often enough today, which, he could see she appreciated. Truth is, even without all that, in all the death and destruction they faced today, losing a team member would have been their undoing. He felt defeated enough as it was.

As he walked out of the recently evacuated building, he thought of all the times he didn’t give up. Didn’t give up on breathing, on standing up for what’s right. But he looked at the sky and saw the alien planes, and the alien beast, and the aliens, and he just felt small and sickly. And just not up to this unknown reality.

“Hey Cap!”

He turned around, bewildered; there was no one there. Oh, right, the communication device.

“Yes, I’m here!”

Speak of the devil.

“I seem to have gotten myself a tail. You wouldn’t mind helping a girl out right?”

“Huh?”

“Up and front Cap”

He looked up and indeed there she was. Attached to an alien. Onboard the plane. Shooting down a couple of others from her sides and oh, the aliens were now coming at him.

“I’m on it!”

As he rushed against the alien soldiers, he took one last look at her. His very human teammate, who didn’t think twice about twisting in the air and boarding an alien craft hunted down by a God. 

He took a long deep breath and run right into the fight. 

 

* * *

 

This was so not over.

Natasha held on to Clint like a lifeline. She didn’t care if the others could see. Actually no, she knew they looked, but saw nothing. Stark was clearly in shock, considering the lack of constant yapping. Thor was obviously elsewhere, maybe in childhood, trying to see where things went wrong. Banner was devouring what must have been his 4th shawarma, his head bobbing along at times. Natasha thought he was attempting some sort of calming ritual, which seemed to be working.

If Clint wasn’t in such a state, and if her brain wasn’t already suffering from sensory overload, Natasha might have spared some of her targeted support techniques for the Captain. He seemed severely depressed. For a weathered assassin, the sight of him barely touching his food and dejectedly holding his head against his fist had too much of an impact on her. Impossible things were making her chest tight. She knew exactly what was going through his head, and it was bad.

Clint nudged her ass with his leg. She looked at him. His eyes were screaming at her:

_*I don’t think I can do this*_

_This_ obviously being going back to SHIELD. See what damage had been done, what he did. Face the dead. Face the living. His face still drained of its blood every time he saw the bruises his fingers left on her skin. She gave him a poignant look and tightened her hold on his leg. _Not yet._ They had things to discuss here.

“So…”

A silent Stark was just too good to be true. Everybody seemed to get out of whatever trance they were under as they turned to him.

“… I know I’m not usually the one to say this but, we need to talk.”

Thor nodded gravely at that.

“Of course, there is much to be discussed.”

Stark wiped his hands with an already heavily used napkin and looked across the table and directly at them. Natasha didn’t need to look at Clint, she could feel him tensing up.

“I know you two are SHIELD’s… whatever. But we have to…”

“You are going to negotiate”. Black Widow looked Tony Stark straight in the eyes and whatever he was about to say must have slipped his mind because he shut his mouth and listened.

“I’m sure that the return of Loki and the tesseract to Asgard are non-negotiable terms, correct?”

She could tell Clint didn’t like that, but thankfully he didn’t protest.

Thor was listening intently, and nodded.

“Yes, Loki needs to be punished for his crimes, and your mortal world can have no influence over his fate. As for the tesseract, it contains too much power, and attracts too much attention. It is my duty –as the protector of this realm- to remove it from here, and take it somewhere where it can bring no harm to humankind. In Asgard, it will be safe.”

Natasha gave a short nod to that.

“What about the scepter?” The captain chimed in.

“It’s not just the scepter, there’s an abundance of alien tech spread throughout the city, dangerous tech.” This time it was the good doctor adding to the conversation.

Natasha looked around to them as she spoke. “This needs to be priority number 1. To fully –and safely- remove all alien artifacts from the city we need resources. There is no love lost between you and Fury Tony, but you have to work with SHIELD to get this done. I’m sure you boys can manage to share your toys amongst yourselves without much fuss. You’re not gonna like this, but it has to be done asap.”

The captain was already bobbing his head along. “She’s right. Who knows what these weapons can do if they fall to the wrong hands. We need to get this all off the streets because we might end up with a second battle in our hands.”

Tony straightened up. “And you expect me to what? Give over some of the alien tech to the organization that admitted to be experimenting with super weapons?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at that “Give? It’s not exactly yours for the taking Stark.”

At this point the captain raised his voice to stop the argument that was about to breakout. “We get back to SHIELD and you and Fury can talk things over. We cannot discuss this here, and these things need to get done fast.”

Natasha opened the communication with SHIELD and hoped Hill was on the wheel this time. 

 

* * *

 

As they walked outside to wait for the quinjet, Natasha touched Clint’s arm to indicate her movement and shortened her steps. Leaving the others to get to the appointed meeting point, she walked next to the captain and waited for him to acknowledge her presence. He turned to her as soon as he felt her fall to step next to her and looked into her eyes expectantly.

Natasha rarely felt out of place but really, can you blame her for feeling it’s not her place to tell an actual hero how to feel?

“You need to let go Cap.”

His fake confusion was making her feel strange. It wasn’t exactly exaggeration, she couldn’t pinpoint the feeling and that made her upset. That was beside the point so Natasha steered her brain back to the mission at hand.

“What do you mean?” Said the captain.

“I mean things happen and one of the few truths I know is that you can’t undo what has already been done. The world always looks for ways to destroy itself, there is power in rebirth after all –you know that-. All we can do is do our best, and you should forget about the rest.”

They had almost reached the others when he replied.

“I would be lost in this world if I forgot where I came from. And to remember brings a lot of regret; things that could be different.”

She stopped on her tracks and turned to him with one of her real, bitter smiles. This battle, this honest man, in this moment took hold of the truth inside of her, and all she could do was follow. “You can’t forget who you are, or where you came from, I would know. But you can let go of what could have been.”

The captain gave her a grave smile, and his eyes turned towards Clint. She touched his shoulder to get his attention back to herself and she looked at him with a mischievous smirk this time. “As an old hero who just rebranded his image, I think you can give yourself a break, and maybe rejoin this world as something other than a vintage trading cards icon.”

His grim smile became a bit brighter –if melancholic- and he nodded at her. 

 

* * *

 

Later that night, after the long –long- hours of Stark and Fury fighting over machinery like a couple of teenagers, she lay on the bed in one of her safe houses, Clint’s head on her lap.

“Do you need me to retell the tale of how Loki was made to see his sons devour each other and how he was bound to a rock with venom dropping on his head for centuries?”

Clint shrugged. “Nah, I’m alright. You’re coming to the farm with me right?”

“Yes. I promised I would take your kids camping.”

“Are you taking them on survival trips again?”

“There’s nothing wrong with being prepared. It’s the boy scouts moto, you should approve.”

He flipped her off.

They were quiet for a while before he spoke again.

“Do you think Phil stood a chance?”

“As much as any mortal.” She looked him straight in the eyes, hoping to get the message across. He nodded. 

 

* * *

 

When they saw off the Asgardians the next day (and she made sure to comment on how Loki looked like the idiotic son of a mob boss SHIELD had apprehended a while ago, who tended to bite the baby agents assigned to his transfer, which Clint appreciated because Loki actually was a bit like that twat) she had the chance to see the others again. Stark was too enthusiastic with Banner for anyone’s comfort. She just hoped she wasn’t assigned with that particular detail this time. Thor was gloomy, as expected.

She was happy to see the cautious optimism on the captain’s face. When she saw him ride off on his motorcycle, she was surprised to realize he was on the beginning of a journey. What surprised her even more was that it was a journey she felt compelled to be a part of.


	4. The Setup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha sets a plan in motion.

 

Tony strutted into his lab. Having Bruce around had really gotten the brain engines running and he was full with creative energy. Then again, maybe it was just a lot of caffeine. Pepper was out of town so there wasn’t much to do around other than break down the house every other day working on his suits. And the Avengers.

“JARVIS bring up the model for the new tower; I need to make some changes to the security plan.”

No response.

“JARVIS?”

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid JARVIS is locked outside, for the time being.”

Tony jumped 10 feet out of his skin and whipped around, searching for the voice. He found it in the form of agent Romanoff, leaning against one of his lab desks, holding what appeared to be the latest Mark II upgrade. He was _not_ afraid. He would _not_ be intimidated by one of Fury’s minions because that’s all Romanoff was, right? If she was to be a member of the team, Tony was sure she would have to stop harassing her teammates.

“What exactly is it that makes you and Fury the worst thorns on my side in a world filled with supervillains?”

He tried to appear nonchalant and he would have believed he had succeeded, had it not been for the menacing smirk on the assassin’s face. And yes, he knew she was an assassin, part of the deal with Fury was that he got to read everyone’s files. And in this moment he is reminded of Romanoff’s file. In all its gory detail.

“I’m guessing it is your charming personality that we just can’t seem to avoid. Or maybe it’s your sticking your nose in business that does not concern you.”

…Ok, that sentence started sarcastically enough to be considered friendly, but ended in a threatening tone, which was augmented by the assassin carelessly dropping his gadget on the lab table and stalking towards him, slowly and deliberately. Where was Bruce when you needed him?

To hell with this, he was Tony Stark. He straightened his back and looked her in the eyes.

“Get to your point fast Romanoff. In case you didn’t notice I have a company and a super hero team to run.”

“Really? And here I was thinking you were just being creative in your high tech playground with your new bestie.” She turned serious again.

“The point Stark, is that you’re not the only one who can stick their nose into other people’s business…” He really didn’t like the turn of the conversation. Or the blank, almost murderous look on her face.

“…and truth is, if this was a decade ago, you would have already been dead, no matter who you are.” She was now standing right in front of him and the very casual way with which she spoke of his hypothetical death made all of his body hair stand at attention.

“You see, you might have inherited your company and your name; I _earned_ my title. No matter how much that disgusts you, it is a truth you would do well to understand. What implications it carries.”

She held out her hand now. He did not want to know what she was holding.

“I _chose_ to be on this side of the game. I’m your ally, because this is where I want to be. But that doesn’t mean I enjoy having my business out in the open for other people to see. So next time you think you should look into what I do, you think about it twice. And I assume you already know to keep your big mouth shut, in front of certain people.”

She held out a tiny device in her extended hand, which she pressed.

_“Sir, I’m afraid connection to this room had been lost. Are you in need of assistance?”_

Stark took a good look at the woman in front of him. She was dressed in casual clothes, a forest green t-shirt with a dark brown jacket over it. Black jeans and knee-high boots. And a necklace. With an arrow at its center. Pepper was right; he _was_ an idiot. And this wasn’t agent Romanoff he was talking to, it was the Black Widow.

“Understood. Now if you don’t mind, the doc and I have things to do.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be out the same way I came in. It will be like I was never here.” Her evil smile coupled with her relaxed posture communicated that their conversation was indeed over, and this was now the _fun agent_ , who liked to make assassin jokes. That were scarily accurate. Lovely.

“Your humor is as deadly as you agent. And decidedly not as subtle.”

“I’m just bringing it to your level Stark.” She was walking towards the door to his _very_ secured lab that just opened for her and made his blood boil.

“By the way, you _really_ need to revise the security plans for the new tower. I’ve left some ideas in the system, you’re welcome.”

He stalked to his workspace, part amused, part intrigued, part furious.

“Well don’t expect to be paid for services that were neither requested, nor required!” She was already half out the room but he raised his voice and by the smirk on her face, she heard him.

_“I’m running diagnostics to see how agent Romanoff entered our systems sir. However, should I bring up the changes she mentioned?”_

“Yes you traitor you should. And show me those building plans!”

When Bruce walked in the lab and found Tony buried deep into revised engineering plans, he decided that not knowing is sometimes a blessing.

* * *

 

SHIELD agent Claire Courtald, worked within the codebreaking and linguistics department. She had a clearance level 5, and an office in the south wing of the building. She was a friendly blonde who also acted as a liaison with MI5 and was often away on assignment. What made her comebacks all the more memorable was that she baked the world’s best cupcakes, which is why all the agents in her department were happy as clamps today when Claire –who recently returned to the US- dropped by her office to get some paperwork done, and brought with her a freshly baked batch of salted caramel cupcakes.

Maria Hill held her tongue when she refused the 10th offer to taste one such cupcake this morning as she walked through the linguistics department and got to the office spaces. Reaching agent Courtald’s door she knocked loudly three times in quick succession when a sugary, heavily accented voice replied:

“Yes I’m here! Please do come inside!”

Maria rolled her eyes, opened the door with more force that necessary and walked in, closing the door behind her. Not talking to the woman inside, she dropped the duffel bag she was carrying with her on the desk and plopped in the chair behind it. Opening the bag she took out the food containers from within, and casually started eating her share of the food. She took one look at the woman next to her. She had her blonde hair in a French twist, was wearing a wicked smile and was currently accessing operation files way out of her clearance level.

Maria let out a long-suffering breath before she spoke.  
  
“ _11 months._ ”  
  
The blonde’s smile turned into a wild grin.

Maria’s eyes thinned. “It’s not funny Natasha. SHIELD is an intelligence organization.” Maria stabbed at her food with frustration.

Natasha Romanoff never took her eyes off her computer, and kept on typing.

“Well, in SHIELD’s defense, I _am_ the best”.

“ _That_ is not helping. Fury should have realized much sooner that his best agent keeps her office as a decoy, and instead has planted a fake identity into SHIELD’s records which she upkeeps perfectly and whose office she uses for her actual work on a regular basis.”

“Sounds even worst when _you_ say it.”

Maria takes another bite from her food before she speaks again.

“Natasha please quit your super-spy stuff; we have to talk about this.”

“Patience. I’m almost done. It’s your paperwork; you’re not supposed to tell me not to do it.”

“Why did you even tell _me_ about all this? If you just wanted a bet, why not tell Hawkeye?”

Natasha smirks and swiftly replies, “That sounds like a good excuse, but I have a reason. I need information.”

Maria holds her head against her left hand as she leaves a long-suffering sight and replies. “Of course.” She has almost finished her food and is opening their beer by the time Natasha turns off the computer and looks for her share. They eat and drink in silence.

Natasha then turns to Maria and speaks.

“I know Fury is –occasionally- spying on me.”

“Wha…”

Before Maria can reply, Natasha cuts her off.

“Don’t bother denying it. I’m not even saying it in accusation; I’m simply stating a fact. It makes perfect sense that he would, he doesn’t trust very easily. And neither do I.”

“Natasha, this place can’t operate like this.”

“Of course it can, we’re spies, that’s what we do. At least now we know, SHIELD in not impenetrable. Especially if one has inside knowledge.”

Maria takes a sip of her beer and looks at Natasha intently. “I get that. Now get to the point. What do you want to know?”

Natasha doesn’t hesitate.  
“Why Fury is holding me and Clint back from missions. Or rather, what he wants to accomplice by it. I know Clint needed to take it easy for a while but this is too much. We’ve only been doing work worthy of junior agents lately when we’re together. And my solo missions have taken a very secretive turn. You are my last resource and I need that information.”

Maria looks at the rim of her beer and takes some time to reply. She’s not even going to comment on the fact that Natasha just admitted she disregards clearance levels, not that she didn’t already suspect that. She does know what Fury wants, but she also knows Natasha (well, as much as someone who considers themselves as being close to her can know) and there’s no way she can get away with not telling her.

“I do know. But you’re not going to like it.”

“I’m a big girl. And considering this has been going on for a few months, and Fury hasn’t said anything to me yet, it must be pretty infuriating.”

Maria takes a deep breath:  
“Strike Team Delta will be dismantled. With Coulson dead no one can take on the responsibility of handling your and Hawkeye’s missions.”

Natasha nods, once. Maria would deny this if asked, but when Natasha did _that_ , just change faces with a nod, it creeped her out.

“I doubt he’s decided where to go from there. I’m guessing that’s why he’s being so secretive about it.”

It wasn’t an easy situation to fix. They both know Clint had started pulling away from the too daring missions (unless Natasha needed backup), now with Coulson gone, Natasha is left without a competent partner. Or handler. Or objective.

Maria guesses the other woman is frustrated with this situation, not that she would share her emotions on any subject. In fact, judging by her posture, sharing time is over now that she got the information she needed. She watches as Natasha downs the rest of her beer and stands.

“Tell Fury I’ll have a proposal drafted for him on his desk by tomorrow morning”.

Maria is not surprised, so she simply nods once. This actually makes her life easier, one less thing for Fury to grumble about.

“Is Dr. Courtald going off to another long-term mission in Europe again?”

Natasha actually smiles. “Even better, she gets a fund to explore the evolutionary roots of early Germanic languages and search for Asian influences. She will quit in about a month, you’ll get the group e-mail, make sure to drop by for a goodbye-cupcake.” Natasha finished her sentence as she waved her hand and walked out the door, now back into her Claire persona.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”  

* * *

 

Steve was looking around the shop in futility. He was trying, he got a new phone from Stark, a computer (which he had yet to find out how to properly use), and now here he was, attempting to get new clothes. In truth, it was embarrassing asking for help and getting that _look_ , the one that asked, _are you really asking me this?_ He was getting it so often these days, from practically every person he encountered. So he drifted as innocuously as possible around the shop, trying desperately not to attract any attention to himself as he tried to find something appropriate to buy. Suddenly his pocket buzzed and he jumped up. Oh, the phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and a text was looking back at him:

_Evening Captain :) I’m in town and in the mood for Korean. Don’t suppose you’ve had the chance to try it yet. Meet me at your place in an hour._

To say Steve was perplexed would be an understatement. For one thing, the only 2 people who had this number were Fury and Stark. He couldn’t imagine Fury writing this. Stark it was then. He moved around the people, trying to find a quiet place to reply. Turns out, the only quiet place was actually outside the shop. Just as well, shopping wasn’t going well anyway. He was very happy his phone could receive oral commands. He just said what he wanted and sent it.

_Hello Mr. Stark,  
Um, I’m not home right now, I’ll be back as soon as possible. Hope nothing bad has come up._

 

After a few minutes his phone buzzed again.  


_Stark? I’m intrigued and insulted. Not to worry, I’ve made myself at home. Nice place, cute neighbor._

Steve thought that exchange was the biggest surprise of the day. The expression on his face must have been very comical when he entered his apartment to find the Black Widow (giant smirk in place) sitting on his couch, his coffee table bursting with the laid out food. The door closed behind him and he was still frozen in place. He was lost for words.

“Agent Romanoff?”

She stopped smirking and turned to him in acknowledgment.

“Captain Rogers.”

Steve had no idea how to proceed. On the one hand, SHIELD was not high on his list of reliable connections at the moment. On the other hand, Natasha Romanoff had proven herself a valuable ally during the battle of New York. Then again, Stark was holding a grudge against her, he didn’t specify why, but he sure had a lot to say about her when they met at Stark tower last week. Not necessarily good things. But she still felt inexplicably familiar to him, and she was there, her shoes tucked neatly next to his front door, her yellow socks peaking under her thighs as she was sitting on his couch in a pair of worn jeans and a grey sweater. His heart was thumping in his chest and he couldn’t decide on the why. He must have been standing there staring at her for quite a while, because her smirk returned and she patted the cushion next to her.

“Come on Cap, it’s time for you to try the best bibimbap in town.”

He chose not to say anything and just sat down. Natasha apparently was in a chatty mood, because she talked a lot. She told him about the food in between bites (it was good, by the way) and talked a bit about Korean culture. He found himself pulled in the conversation and shared some probably outdated knowledge. She had no trouble updating him on the historic events of the country and before he knew it he was enjoying himself so much, he forgot about his apprehension in regards to her presence in his home, a fact which he realized while he was halfway through a story about the howling commandos. He became silent and set his food down.

“Agent Romanoff, not that this isn’t pleasant, but my experience with SHIELD is that there’s always a catch. I’d appreciate it if we cleared up the air a bit.”

Natasha nodded and set down her own food. She didn’t look at him and her hair obscured her expression as she began talking.

“I’m sure Fury has already approached you with a proposal to join SHIELD.”

“He has. I told him I’d think about it.”

Natasha turned to him. “You never planned on accepting though.”

Steve sat back on the couch as he inhaled.

“Let’s just say I understand Fury’s point of view, but I don’t agree with his methods.”

For whatever reason, that made her recoil, he saw it for a fraction of a second.

“Hm, it’s not like the American army was a bunch of choir boys on a field trip though.”

“Can’t argue with that. But I had a clear reason to join then. Not to mention people I trusted.” His heart constricted at the thought of his friends, of Peggy. Wounds all too fresh. He shook his head and moved to a safer topic.

“Plus, I understood how the world worked back then, I could be of use much more than now, even as a skinny kid from Brooklyn.”

Natasha nodded at that and gave him a small smile.

“Well Cap, I might have a solution for all that.”

“I’m listening.”

“I’ve found myself in need of a partner.”

“A partner? I thought Hawkeye was your partner.”

“He was, he’s on an extended vacation.”

Steve nodded solemnly. “Alright.”

She now turned fully toward him and looked very determined.

“Listen Cap, I know you have no reason to trust me, and I’m sure Stark is not helping with that, not to mention you and SHIELD didn’t have an ideal start. For the record, I told them making that simulation room was a stupid idea but, well, sometimes Fury is… unyielding.”

He smiled at that.

“The point is, I feel proud of the work we do at SHIELD. I know we help people, even if the means are not always ideal. And for what it’s worth, you won’t be a simple agent, I’m sure Fury will give you a great deal of independence to make your own choices. And if we’re partners, I promise to teach you everything you need to know.” She looked at him straight in the eyes.

He was sure his were wide open at that. This was a one huge promise. He’s seen her fight, he’s certain many people would beg to have the Black Widow teach them her craft.

“Just to make it clear, training will include all aspects of a SHIELD agent’s life. Professional and personal. Think of tonight as a trial run.”

He was sure his cheeks were red as he replied. “Not that that is not a generous offer, I realize that. I don’t want to be insensitive but, what’s in this for you? What will you gain from all this?”

“My job back for one thing. I can work solo, I just… It’s not the same for me anymore, I need someone to have my back.”

Steve saw great depth in these words. He knew the words were sincere, probably on many levels, but they were still ringing wrong somehow, he couldn't tell yet. Still, he was flattered. He also honestly cursed himself because in that moment he realized, he couldn’t deny her that. His conscience wouldn’t allow it, leaving her exposed.

He allowed a moment to pass, he needed her to know he understood the importance of her words.

“I promise I will think about it.”

Natasha smiled. “Thank you.” Then her smile widened. “Ok, how would you like to learn about the greatest time-consuming activity ever invented by mankind?” One hour later he had something called Netflix installed in all his devices, they watched a couple of old (or for him, current) movies together that made him feel both nostalgic and comfortable. As he later led her to the door that night and bid her goodnight he found himself missing her presence the moment she stepped out the door. He would never not be baffled by the calming effect that woman had on him. He slept well that night in spite of the big decision he had already made. He felt he finally got a connection to the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Sorry for the great pause! I got sidetracked with a hundred different projects and every time I tried to write the words wouldn't come. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, stay tuned for more!


	5. We Are Stronger Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Hope you're all well, and maybe still interested in this story even if my updating schedule is a mess. Ok, I'll be honest, at this point, there is no schedule. My life is incredibly hectic but I'm actually invested in these two sweethearts, so I won't give up on them and keep with this story until they get where they need to go.
> 
> I hope you'll like this new chapter, I'm warning you, my story is not beta read!
> 
> xo  
> Tresapes

“What is this party for again?” Natasha was perched on one of the shop’s shelves, not disturbing the merchandise, and looking around in apparent disinterest, even in boredom. In reality, she was quite focused on the man behind the curtain. At the same time, she was keeping a keen eye on their surroundings. She would never allow herself to be caught off guard. 

“Oh… I’m afraid I’m not sure. I think Stark has angered miss Potts again, and is trying his best to… You know, that’s really none of my business. To be honest, I wasn’t planning on attending.” 

Natasha smiled; she knew no one was watching her. “I know, that’s why I invited you to come shopping with me.” 

“Invited me? Is that what you call walking into my house, telling me to get dressed and dragging me all over town?” 

“You’re always free to leave. I promised not to maim you if you chose to do so. In my books, that makes you a willing participant.” 

She heard his exhale, but he didn’t complain. She felt her lips curl in a smile again, and had to force it out of her. By the time he walked out of the changing room she had schooled her face into a neutral expression. Of course, he looked fantastic in a suit.  

Steve Rogers was already leading a strange life. His existence couldn’t be explained, his self-imposed solitude almost an apology for his fantastic condition of living. Still, Natasha Romanoff managed to march in and fit as if she always belonged there. A necessary paradox.  

That was a condition Natasha was comfortable with. Never let it be said that the Black Widow isn’t an enigma at all times. And like any fanciful spy, Natasha liked keeping others on their toes. As the Captain was standing there like an awkward teen, moving from foot to foot, messing with the back of his neck, straightening his jacket, looking around in agitation, Natasha openly checked him out from head to toe, in silence. She remained so until the poor man was about to burst out of his skin, at which point, he looked her in the eyes, gave a resigned exhale and opened his palm, in an open invitation for comments. Ha! Natasha tried hard to restrain her smile, he can be such a cheat himself. She complied, with as much seriousness as she could master. 

“Ok Rogers. I get it now.” She was checking him out with a disinterested look. As if the man didn’t look like God’s gift to womankind. She kept walking around as if to observe him from different viewpoints.  

“Please don’t spare my feelings Romanoff” 

“Oh, I wasn’t going to. I just understand why it was so hard to get you here. Clearly you knew buying clothes from this century would ruin your old man persona.” 

“Is that a compliment? Because if it is I’ll take it as long as it means we’re done shopping”. 

Steve realized Natasha wasn’t really looking at him anymore. He followed her gaze, and noticed a group of women chatting with each other, occasionally stealing gazes in their direction. She replied to him nonetheless. 

“I’d say. Ok, meet me at the front in 5?” Now she looked at him, all humor gone. 

“Alright.” 

She gave him a short nod as he went back in the changing room. He felt a shift in her demeanor, and that made him nervous. Not of her, but of whatever made the Black Widow shift gears. As he left the changing room and moved towards the tills, he looked around but noticed only shoppers. The group of women were not around anymore either. 

He met her at the front of the shop, her face glued on the screen of her phone. He ventured a guess as to the change of her mood. 

“So, next week, first mission.” 

Natasha didn’t lift her face as she replied. “Yup. Nervous?” 

“No. Perhaps a bit skeptical.” 

Now Natasha looked at him. He felt compelled to explain. 

“I still have my doubts. Working for SHIELD... We’ll see how it works out.” 

Her expression gave nothing away as she replied. 

“I wouldn’t stress too much about it. Not for a recon mission.” 

He nodded along, realizing pressing the subject would get him nowhere. 

“Anyway, I gotta run. Have fun at the banquet Cap.” 

"Wait, you’re not coming?” 

Natasha huffed. “Not that I don’t enjoy giving Stark a hard time, but I think it would be good for the team if I sat out on this one. American Bigwigs and ex-soviet spies don’t mix well.” 

She regretted the comment when she noticed Steve’s body tighten as it usually did right before he gave one of his righteous speeches, or one-liners. It really was interesting to see how his entire being was preparing for a fight. He knew what he would say was the right thing, the fair thing, and he was challenging the world to stop him from acting according to it. 

“That’s irrelevant. You’re part of the team, you should be there.” 

“No one’s saying otherwise Cap. But there’s nothing wrong with marketing the team in the right way, to the right people. In case you didn’t notice, I tend to make people uncomfortable.” 

He gave her a crooked smile. 

“Maybe it’s your sparkling personality.” 

She smiled back. “Maybe.” 

“Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I’d be happy to see you there. You could consider it another lesson in my life as a SHIELD agent.” 

“Why Rogers, are you trying to trick me into coming? It’s not going to work you know.” 

“Why not?” 

“Ok, here’s a lesson for you: Keep your work life, your private life, and your public life separate from each other.” 

“Right. Is that what you’re doing?” 

“In a way. I’m not saying be like me, I’m saying, it’s ok to work with me, it’s not ok to be seen in public with me.” 

“I see. Well, I’m going to disappoint you Romanoff. I was never much of a student, so I’m going to sit out on that particular lesson. We’re partners at your insistence, and as your partner, and teammate, I expect to have your support that night. I mean, you did drag me around shopping, might as well join in at the party.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes. “You drive a hard bargain Rogers. I’ll see what I can do, but I'm telling you, your survival instincts are nonexistent.” 

He laughed at her back as she started walking down the street to their car. 

“I’ll take my chances.” 

She turned her head and smiled, as he followed a few steps behind.  

* * *

 Nick Furry was scowling. But he was always scowling, so it wasn’t much of an expression on his face to draw conclusions from. 

“You sure take your sweet time Romanoff” 

Natasha plopped unceremoniously in the chair across from him. She crossed her legs and looked about the office with disinterest. Fury rarely got to see Natasha these days. She wasn’t particularly happy with him, but the fact that she showed it meant things weren’t too bad. Plus, he figured, it was all right, the Black Widow always got the job done. 

“You sure know how to give orders at the last-minute boss. What can I do for you?” 

Fury sat back in his chair and dropped a file across his desk towards her. 

“I’ve got a side mission for you.” 

Natasha reached for the folder as he was talking and started studying it. 

“That recon mission you have next week, I need you to check on these people. Alone.” 

Natasha raised a brow and read through the file.  

“You want me to lie to Rogers? Not very patriotic of you.” 

Fury had no patience for smartass replies. And he really hoped he would get a break from them, with Hawkeye on leave and all. He shrugged his shoulders. 

“I figured, you wouldn’t mind. If it’s a problem, I can always give it to someone else.” He really couldn’t. Curiously, she didn’t reply immediately. He couldn’t read her. 

“Is...” 

“No. I’ll do it.” She got up and turned to leave. 

“Good. And Natasha...” He caught her halfway out the door. 

“I head Stark is throwing a party next week. Find that Hawk and go play with the other kids.” 

“Is it for work?” 

“...I can make it be if I have to.” 

“...I’ll see what I can do.” 

“Good.” 

She was already out the door.  

* * *

Clint found her in DC, playing the European tourist. She was sitting on a bench at Lincoln Memorial, blond wig on, camera around her neck. He was dressed the part, as instructed. He casually sat next to her on the bench and stole one of her headphones. Hungarian was the language of the day. 

 _“How is this not fussing?”_ She was smiling at him and showing off her pictures. He could see the two men on the other side of the pool, on whose conversation they were eavesdropping. 

 _“Simple, I do not fuss.”_  

 _“This is too much, even with your level of... excitement.”_  

 _“It’s another assignment. It just... seems off, somehow. This upcoming trip, it has a lot of parameters I didn’t expect. My bosses seem to be looking into things, at the company._ _Not a lot of info available on what’s going on_ _, so I’m taking matters into my own hands and..._ _asking_ _contacts from outside the business.”_  

 _“Hmm...”_  

 _“Things don’t look good. I’m thinking you should take the chance to bail out now, before it all comes crashing down.”_  

Clint’s eyes darkened at that. They stared at each other. After so many years of sharing a life, they didn’t need words, not for the things that mattered. If Natasha was telling him this was a time to lay low, he would listen. He kind of expected something like this anyway, given their current paranoia-induced conversation background. But if she thought he was leaving her to deal with this alone, she was crazier that the SHIELD psychiatrists evaluated her to be. His eyes communicated this, but she insisted.  

 _“I don’t know, we agreed to stick together, it’s as good as a contract deal_ _ya_ _know?”_  

She looked murderous. 

 _“I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. And_ I _only have myself to think about.”_  

At that she got up and forcibly pulled the headphone from his ear. He started protesting but she would have none of it. Stubborn woman! He sprung to his legs and followed her. 

 _“Hey!”_  

 _“What?!” She turned around and her eyes were still screaming bloody murder._  

 _“Ok, ok, I get it! I was seriously considering turning the whole home renovating gig into a full-time job anyway_ _remember_ _?”._ Natasha finally smirked at that. 

 _“I just don’t want you to ever think you’re alone so...”_  

He pulls the thing from his pocket and leaves it on her open palm. 

 _“Our renovating crew will be there, if you ever need us. For anything.”_  

Natasha looks at the tiny arrow necklace in her hand. Her heart runs wild, her stomach is flying, and her eyes sting. She closes it in her hand and holds on to it tight. She can’t even look at him right now, so she does the next best thing. She puts the necklace around her neck, and she turns to leave, speaking to him over the shoulder. 

 _“I still have a scheduled camping trip for next month, don’t you forget it.”_  

 _“No way I would. Even if I wanted to they wouldn’t let me! You psycho promised to teach them how to hunt.”_  

 _Her smile was positively evil._  

 _“Oh! Our new business buddies are having a dinner party, make sure to be there on time!”_  

 _“Yeah,_ _yeah_ _no problem... Wait, what?!”_   

* * *

Steve is mingling. Or he tries. Stark did good on his promise and managed to invite people other than government bigwigs and socialites. Not that Steve knows any of them (mostly scientists and the such) but it does make the atmosphere lighter, somehow. He was happily surprised at first to see Natasha walk in, Clint in tow. He should have known better. She is in full Black Widow mode. She gave Tony the fakest of fake smiles when she walked in, and he paled which, to Steve, was a really strange reaction. He took it in good stride though, and after loudly proclaiming his success in updating JARVIS’ security systems to withstand unwanted attention from dangerous arachnoids, he went back to the bar and prepared himself a drink.  

Natasha did seem to be getting along well with miss Potts. Pepper was an excellent lady, and she seemed to like Natasha, which, as far as Steve was concerned, was a good thing. He was so engrossed watching their interaction he missed Clint walking up next to him, only realizing the other man was there when a beer appeared suddenly at the center of his vision. 

“Hey Cap, long time no see.” 

Steve turned, and was actually happy to see Clint. 

“Clint! Thank you.” He accepted the beer and clang his bottle with the other man, before taking a good swig. 

“So how have you been? I’m hearing from Natasha you’re on leave, going anyplace nice?” 

Clint smirked. It was strange, how many expressions the spies shared. 

“Is that what she calls it? Anyway, yeah, SHIELD isn’t seeing much of me these days.” 

Steve nodded, and waited for the other man to continue. Clint wasn’t in a hurry to speak. He drunk a bit of his beer and looked at Steve with an asserting gaze. 

“I have to say Cap, you did make my life a lot easier by getting a job with SHIELD. I guess I need to thank you.” 

“Well...” Steve wasn’t sure how to reply to that. He guessed Clint was as loyal to SHIELD as Natasha seemed to be. 

“I’m not talking about doing Fury’s work, I don’t care much about that these days. This, the team, it’s more important to me than that.” 

“Romanoff seems pretty invested in our work there. I guess she inspired me to join, in a way.” 

Clint raised his brow and drank his beer. 

“ _Really?_ How is that exactly?” 

Steve shifted around a bit. He wasn’t really interested in explaining to this man the importance SHIELD had in Steve’s world as Peggy’s legacy, or how Romanoff’s unquestionable loyalty to its cause persuaded him that he could potentially find a place for himself within its ranks. And he would never talk about his conversation with Natasha. He knows the spies are close, and Clint probably knows her better than he ever will, but still. That conversation was Natasha confiding in _him_ , and he was not going to betray her confidence, not even to her brother in arms. 

“Well, I guess, if the Black Widow thinks they’re worth her time, who am I to contradict her?” 

Clint laughed heartily at that and gave him a friend slap on the back. 

“Glad you think so Cap, because that’s actually what I wanted to thank you for.” 

Steve understood, more than Clint could realize, but he would let him speak his mind. 

“I can withdraw now and she won’t be without a backup. But let me make one thing clear Cap, I might be slightly drunk. I needed it, to have this conversation. But let me make it clear, I still have her back. If you let her down, I’ll come for you.” 

“You’re a good man Clint, I believe you.” 

“Good. Glad we talked Cap.” 

“ _My_ , my ears are ringing boys.” 

Steve jumped out of his skin as he turned around to see no one other than Natasha standing there, with a hard expression on her face. Steve was glad it was actually directed to Clint, who, upon seeing her, disappeared without much ceremony. Steve turned again to look at Natasha. She was rolling her eyes as she was taking a seat at the stool next to him, holding two drinks in her hands. 

“Hey Cap.” 

“Hey! You showed up.” 

“I guess I did.” 

“What made you change your mind?” 

“Mmmh, turns out messing with Stark’s head is too good a chance to refuse.” 

Steve smiled and let her have her excuse. It’s not like he could get an honest answer out of her, unless she was offering one. No, pressure is not something that would work, with a woman like Natasha. One just had to accept that things would be done her way. 

“What do you have there?” 

She gave him one of her mischievous smile. 

“I’m glad you asked Cap. It's actually a present for you. I promised myself I wouldn’t leave this party before I got Captain America drunk, or at least tipsy, so here I am, ready to go home.” 

“Um, not to ruin your fun Romanoff but, I can’t get drunk.”  

He reached for the offered glass anyway. He wouldn’t refuse sharing a drink with her. Sitting here, at the edge of the bar, alone with her, it was nice. She was beautiful, of course, as always. Her hair was elegantly brushed away from her face in curves. Her dress was hugging her body, not that he looked, not really, he just noticed things. The cream top was bringing out her complexion, and the deep green bottom was contrasting with the red of her hair, bringing out her eyes. In the soft light of the bar, she looked timeless, like a work of art. That timelessness, along with the calmness and familiarity her presence always evoked in him, made him relax, feel at home. He could sit here with her for hours, he realized, just enjoying the silence, the companionship. The understanding that seemed to just exist between them. 

“Well, you can now. Because _this_ , is no earthly drink. It is, quite literally, the drink of Gods. Made only for the greatest heroes of Asgard, as our Norse God teammate informed me himslelf.” 

Steve raised his eyebrows, intrigued. She managed to surprise him, again. 

“Are you impressed now?” 

“I must say I am.” 

“Drink with me then!” 

They clicked their glasses and drank. _Boy was that drink strong_. His eyes watered, just slightly. He opened them and looked at her, wondering how she was faring. Well, either she was excellent at bluffing, or she really had way too many aces hidden under her sleeve. Steve wasn’t sure which one was true. Or if both were true. And it didn’t matter. Because after a few minutes he was buzzed enough to share crazy stories from his youth with her, and she was buzzed enough to laugh with them. And when the last drop was gone, and it was time for her to leave, she brushed her hand over his with kindness and slowly swayed away, like a dream. That touch, along with the alcohol in his blood, kept him warm, all night long. 


	6. Camping Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha takes Lila and Cooper for a promised camping trip a short while after finishing her first mission with Steve.

“Eeeew, Auntie Nat! Cooper caught another frog!” Lila Burton spoke loudly, and promptly started stomping towards the opposite direction of her brother and said amphibian. 

“Lila stop! You’re gonna get lost!” 

“I am _not_ getting lost! I’m following the rocks, like auntie Nat said.” 

“No stupid! You’re not supposed to go back where we came from, we need to keep going.” 

“I don’t care. I’m done following you! I’m tired. Your frog is disgusting. You keep picking up creepy things to make fun of me. I’m going back!”  

The tears streaming down her eyes were forcefully pushed out of the way, as Lila run as fast as her legs could carry her. Her brother’s calls and footfalls kept growing quieter as she ran back on the shallow path they made through the trees. Getting tired she sat down at the first available opening and waited for her auntie to find her. She didn’t have to wait long. The familiar reassuring presence was sitting next to her in what seemed like an instant. And even though Lila wanted to be brave and tough liker her auntie, she leaned against her side, and set her head on her shoulder, hiding her tears against her sleeve, and silently sniffing. 

Natasha put her arm around the girl and didn’t say anything. She could already hear Cooper’s footsteps as he approached them. She motioned him to be quiet, letting the girl relax against her. When Lila was calm enough to look up to her, Natasha gave the girl a reassuring smile. 

“We can go back to the campsite if you want, try again tomorrow.” 

Lila wasn’t happy with that, she looked away as she replied. 

“No. I don’t want to try again tomorrow.” 

No matter what others believed, Natasha was only cruel towards those who deserved cruelty. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to draw the girl out, and allow her to express herself, even though she already knew what was the problem. 

“Why? I thought you guys were having fun” 

“No, Cooper is having fun. Having fun making fun of me!” 

“Lilaaaaa...” 

“Yes! You keep making things up to scare me and...” 

“That’s ridiculous! Just because you’re afraid of a little frog...” 

 _“Enough.”_  

They were quiet instantly. They knew better than to mess with Natasha when she was serious. Natasha sat up, and motioned for Cooper to sit next to his sister. He plopped down exhaustedly, like the pre-teen he was. 

“I am always honest with you. You are intelligent, so I assumed you understand why we are here. I will spell it out if I have to. Your dad and I have dangerous jobs. You know this. Bad things happen. It’s not fair, but they do. You might have to hide. You might have to leave. You might have to walk through this forest together. You will have to be fast, and quiet, like we learned last time we were here.” 

Lila was already sniffling by this point, and Cooper put his hand in hers in comfort. 

Natasha knew life is easier when you pretend you’re heartless. But she could never pretend with these children. And what comfort she could offer, she would. 

“We won’t try again today. We’ll go back to camp and eat –food first, s’mores later, we are not savages-, but you’ll have to try again tomorrow. And the day after that, if need be. Tonight, think of what’s important. Yes, we can have fun, but the fun isn't the point, nor is finding out who’s the better scout. It’s about survival and about taking care of each other.” 

Both kids were somber, nodding along. Lila looked up to her aunt under her lashes. Needing reasurance, she reached with her hand, which Natasha readily took in hers. They made their way back, Cooper holding on to Lila’s other hand as they walked through the trees. 

“Is that how you were trained auntie?” asked Lila. 

“No, baby” 

“Why not?” 

“There wasn’t time to learn how to care, or how to hide back then darling. They told us we had a war to win. I... wasn’t really trained as much as I, grew up in it I guess.” 

“But were you on your own?” Cooper’s kind heart shines through in the worried tone of his voice, so much like his dad Natasha’s heart jumps. 

“No, there were a lot of us.” 

“Were you all friends?” 

Natasha didn’t have to think that one. 

“No, we were not. We were more like sisters in arms, and yet not really. It was war Cooper, we were kids, they were teaching us how to kill people. We were bound by common fears, but mostly by our burning need to win the war.” 

“Daddy says war has no winners.” Lila chimed in. 

“Daddy is right. And he’s also stealing my lines.” The girl laughed, but Cooper was still thinking. 

“But you thought you had to win auntie, didn’t you?” 

“I didn’t think I had to, I wanted to. I was angry, I thought my people had been wronged. I thought we had suffered too much, had payed dearly for things out of our control. I wasn’t wrong, but war doesn’t fix these things. It just makes them worst.” 

“But what does?” 

“I don’t know. Caring is a good start, I’ve been told.”  

“So what are you and dad doing?” 

“We are making sure war won’t break out when people feel angry. We try to right the wrongs, so people don’t suffer, so war doesn’t happen.” 

“But war happens, not here, but in other places.” 

“I know. We try, it’s all we can do.” 

The conversation slowly got lighter after that. They played games around the fire, the kids loved riddles and Natasha loved making them up. She would communicate them in morse code, to make them more difficult when they began answering too fast. If that was also teaching them morse code at the same time, well. Their bellies full of food and their hearts full of love, the children were calm. They weren’t made to dwell on sadness. Safe in the knowledge that their aunt would never let anything happen to them, they fell asleep with ease. 

Natasha on the other hand, couldn’t help but to suffer a sleepless night. She remembered looking up at a similarly clear sky another eventful night, all those years ago, when she was sleeping among some long-gone souls. 

 _With boots more than 2 sizes too big, feet swimming in blood from the blisters, and a man’s uniform that hardly kept the cold at bay. She was 17, a child, really. They had been walking_ _non-stop_ _for days. They were what was left from the 24_ _th_ _tank brigade, and each of them would fight for the motherland, to their last breath._  

 _Spy or no spy, Natasha had snuffed the life out of more than 200 Germans already, and she was fucking proud. They left the dead of the enemy behind them._ _Unburied_ _on burned, barren land, and all they felt, was the drunken joy of victory, as they had walked over their rotting corpses._  

 _Our dead speak to us, they demand justice. And on the grounds soaked with the blood of_ _ou_ _r families,_ _you_ _w_ _ill_ _extinguish the enemies of the Motherland._  

Natasha’s secrets had secrets. And, apart from another, she was probably the only person alive, the only being carrying these memories of a girl raised and prepped to be the ultimate weapon, even then, when she was still unknowing of her fate, even though it had already been decided for her, when she had been allowed to “escape” the training grounds and join the army at the front. Such was her eagerness to prove herself worthy of her role.  

Natasha remembers and is unsure whether to laugh or cry with all that youthful ignorance, the useless hatred, the misplaced anger. She paid in blood, she sold her soul, for an invented idea of freedom. It would take a lot of time for that version of herself to learn, what she now knew. 

The Ukrainian Winter had all but began so seep in her bones, like a memory coming to life, when she felt her phone buzz. She looked at the screen and couldn’t stop the smile that took over her features. 

 _Ok Romanoff you win. You are capable of being positively evil._  

Her shit-eatting grin didn’t leave her face as she replied 

 _Took you long_ _enough. :_ _)_  

She closed her eyes and slept, a warm feeling swimming in her chest. 

 

* * *

 

_Last week_

 

Natasha was fighting very hard to keep a straight face. She was looking at the lab dook straight ahead through the windshield, occasionally checking the monitor on her phone and decidedly avoiding the eyes of her partner. She wondered how much longer he would last. He already lasted longer than she expected. He was reading the file. Again. He closed it, and turned to stare at her. 

“But are you sure?” 

“Rogers, are you questioning my ability to read a briefing?” She really shouldn’t torture him like that, but well. 

“No! No, I just... Well it doesn’t look like the kind of mission they would need us for.” 

“I told you, we are doing recon, there is a potentially dangerous individual, SHIELD needs information, so here we are.” 

“Yes, here we are, in front of a recyclable energy research lab...” 

“Exactly...” 

“... specializing in creating green energy from manure.” 

“It’s a respectable and valid field of research. And it’s surveillance, it’s not supposed to be challenging.” 

She watched as he re-read the 2-page file for the hundredth time. Damn Fury anyway. She told him it was too thin a cover. Man out of time he may be, but Rogers is smart. But when did men ever listen? 

“Ok, so it’s surveillance but, during daylight? And how are we supposed to inconspicuously establish contact? I mean, this doctor is a...” 

“I’ve already established contact. We’re just waiting for his excitable co-workers to go home. Then we’re going in.” 

“Wait, what? You already talked to the guy?” 

“Not exactly, he’s exchanged e-mails with Victoria Popova. She represents high profile individuals, and apparently, dr. Inacio has a very interesting collection one of Popova’s clients is greatly interested in.” 

As Natasha was explaining this, she noticed the researcher leaving the lab. The good doctor was alone in there then. 

Steve was nodding along, although there was a line between his brows, as if he was trying to figure out what was wrong with that story. 

“Don’t overthink it, just follow my lead” 

She opened the door of the car and walked out. He promptly followed. 

“Natasha, wait! Natasha!” The last one was a harsh whisper, as he attempted to stop her. He wasn’t fast enough, Natasha (disguised now in place) rung the front door bell. 

To say Steve was perplexed, would be an understatement. Natasha squished the voice inside her that whispered this was wrong, and focused on getting the job done. 

The door opened with a flourish, and an exuberant tiny man rushed them inside. 

“Oh, dear God, I can’t believe it, it’s really you! Captain America! Oh sir, it truly is such an honor, I’m such a great fan, such a great fan! That you would like to see my collection of memorabilia...” 

All Steve managed was a shocked wave to the man, and an irate look over his shoulder, at a highly amused Natasha who waved prettily at him, as she casually looked around the lab. The good doctor hadn’t even noticed her presence, as he attached himself to Steve and prattled on. Natasha tapped her ear to indicate his communication device, and disappeared in the shadows.  

Careless, so careless. It took Natasha embarrassingly little time to break into the files of these people. They were cooking a lot more than manure here. How much of it was under the doctor’s nose remained to be seen. She spent some of the spare time she had reading through the information she was copying. Bio-agents, foreign matter. Natasha wasn’t a scientist, but she could see this was connected to New York. She gathered up her little equipment, put the lab back in lockdown and exited the premises. 

When she was back at the car, she contacted Steve. She was watching him from the monitor and felt some pride when he didn’t physically react to her voice in his ear. 

“Mission accomplished Cap. Look at your phone, tell him you have an emergency call. Meet me in the car.” 

She watched him exit the lab and walk briskly in her direction. She already knew she was going to break Fury’s orders again. She couldn’t understand was it with this man, that made her need to be as true as she could be. 

“This better have been good Romanoff.” He said as he closed the door behind him and put on his seatbelt. What a boy scout. Natasha started driving. 

“They’re working on a lot more than manure in that lab. I think they have an alien body. Somewhere.” 

Steve’s eyes grew at that. 

“What did you do?” 

“Not much, like I said, this was recon. We weren’t sure what they were cooking here. We are not even sure who’s doing the cooking. We’ll have to check the info.” 

“How will we do that?” 

Natasha pulled out the flash drive and handed it to him. 

“I copied their files.” 

“I see. So, will we come back?” 

“Hard to say, I don’t think so. I’ll pass on the information to Fury, and he’ll take it from there.” 

“Oh, no. I’m not leaving this up to Fury. If this is about New York, we need to be involved, we can’t leave it just for SHIELD to figure out.” 

“SHIELD _is_ us.” 

Natasha didn’t need him to reply to that to know that he didn’t exactly agree with her assessment. See, this is where Fury went wrong. Did he really think Captain America would just follow his orders like a good little soldier? That he wouldn’t need to know what’s going on at all times? That he would stay and unquestioningly serve the agency? Steve wasn’t like her, he had no ledger to clean, nothing to atone for, he needed a good reason to stay. 

“Well, if it is an issue, and if we do have to deal with it, Fury will probably send the strike team, we can join them. Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“What about Tony? What about the Avengers?” 

“I’d hardly say this warrants the attention of the whole team.” 

“We still should keep them up to date.” 

“I’m sure Fury will make sure everyone who should know will be informed. And even if he doesn’t, Stark is probably breaking into SHIELD’s mainframe every other day, he’ll dig it up soon enough.” 

They were quiet for a while. Natasha could see the captain wasn’t exactly satisfied with her answers. But this wouldn’t do. It was bothering her. She didn’t want to dwell on why, so she initiated the conversation. 

“That wasn’t so bad though. Right?” 

Steve shook his head. 

“No. So this is what you do?” 

“Sometimes. Unimpressed?” 

“No. Just, it’s a strange way to fight I guess. We did all our fighting in the battlefield. Even our convert operations were about breaking into enemy territory, never something like this.” 

“This isn’t a battlefield Rogers.” Her words started coming out stingy.  

“No? We broke into that man’s privacy. What if there was nothing there? If this isn’t a fight, and he isn’t the enemy, we violated his rights.” 

Natasha usually has control over all aspects of her personality. But Steve’s words rubbed wrong on her, something inside her was growling, wanted to answer back. She plastered her best fake smile, the one that said she was cool and untouched by the subject at hand, and spoke. 

“We don’t waste our time on half-baked intel Rogers. We didn’t go in there to see _if_ they were hiding anything, we went to see _what_ it was that they were hiding.” 

“Are you sure about that? You mean to tell me you’ve never worked on bad intel? You never ended up spying on an innocent?” 

Natasha’s smile turned venomous. 

“I thought you had been briefed in all our files Cap. You know very well that I could never boast such virtuousness in my old days. I’m not sure about what counts as innocent, it can be subjective. But I do know I used to prey on people you would consider innocent. So, to answer your question, yes. I am sure. I am always sure these days.” How she managed to say these last words without her voice trembling is a testament to the Black Widow’s willpower. 

Steve turned a bit red at this and looked away. Natasha explaining herself to him is not what he was aiming for, he already knew her worth. Natasha sees he’s uncomfortable, and she attempts to lighten the subject. 

“Don’t think of this kind of work as a battle, it’s not. The goal is not always clear, the enemy is not always specified. Sometimes you make sacrifices, strategic decisions, that only make sense later on. I’ve been doing this job for too long to expect good days and clean solutions. I just welcome them when they happen. It’s like chess, it’s impossible to win without sacrifice.” 

“Isn’t a chessboard a battlefield though?” 

“Not to me”. Her smile was crooked. 

“What is it to you?” 

“Hmm, it’s a micro-world. Every piece has a job to do, a role to play, and in the end, they are all maneuverable. If you know their strengths, their week points, you guide them to where they need to be. And of course, never forget the player. In chess you need information, knowledge of human nature, strategy. You need to be willing to sacrifice, always.” 

“Is that how Fury makes choices for this organization?” 

“Possibly.” 

“You mean you don’t know?” 

“Contrary to what Stark may tell you, I’m not Fury’s watchdog. That would be Maria.” 

“Then what are you, in SHIELD?” Steve could see the easy way she used to not exactly answer his questions, but again, he knew he couldn’t press her. He looked at the puzzle she presented with high interest and a dose of anxiety. What is this world he wants to enter? 

“It depends who you ask.” 

“I ask you.” 

“Most days I’m a precision weapon. Ready to fire when a target is acquired.” 

Steve looks at her with conviction in his eyes. 

“You are much more than a hired gun Natasha.” 

“I can be lots of things. You asked me what I am in SHIELD, and as far as most people are concerned, I kill for hire. I just kill for the good guys now.” She managed not to grimace. She really didn’t like having this conversation with Steve Rogers. 

But Steve was looking straight at her, looking fairly unconvinced.  

“I don’t understand why you wanted me in this organization if this is what you think of it, that they use you to ger rid of whoever gets on their radar.” 

“It’s not going to be the same for you Cap. This is what I chose for myself, and what Fury feels comfortable to allow me to do.” 

“Do you mean to tell me Fury doesn’t trust you?” 

“Fury doesn’t really trust anyone. I’m an asset to him, but I’m also not entirely dependable.” 

Steve gave her a smile at that. 

“Well, we are similar in more ways than you think then.” 

Natasha looks at him in confusion. 

“I _did_ falsify 5 enlistment forms. I rarely followed orders.” 

Natasha gave him a small evil smile. 

“That hardly makes us similar Rogers, you were doing what was best for your country.” 

“And what were you doing?” 

Natasha shook her head, she didn’t want to go there. 

“Duty can only excuse so much. I had no limits, no control, nothing was out of line. I gave everything I had, and then some.” 

Natasha pulled the car over right outside his apartment building. They gave a last lingering look to each other, a need for communication, a need to understand the other clear in both of them, but there wasn’t much more to be said now.  

Steve wanted to ask more. He wanted to learn everything about her. The information she shared about herself felt like drops out of an ocean of secrets and he craved more. He knew this was us much as she would share for today at least, so he broke the silence. 

“Well, I guess I’ll be looking forward to your updates on this.” 

“Of course.” 

He nodded at her. 

“I’ll see you Natasha.” 

“See ya. Make sure to socialize Cap, bingo nights are not as entertaining as your friends would like you to think.” 

He turned to her with a confused look on his face. 

“What bingo ni... Really Romanoff, old man jokes?” 

“I’m just saying, things are different now for people your age, you have options.” 

“See you around Natasha.” 

“Hey Rogers!” 

“Yes?” 

“Case file #DELTA-13-BP-081204. You can access it from the SHIELD mainframe." 

Natasha was very serious, so Steve nodded his understanding, and entered his building.  

He heard her start the engine and drive off, and that’s when he felt all kinds of tension leave his body.  He still wasn’t sure about SHIELD, he actually felt his life had just gotten a lot more complicated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> This chapter was a bit harder for me, I had to think about a lot of stuff to see how a realistic relationship would work between Natasha and the kids, I hope it worked out well for the character. Let me know if you're interested in knowing exactly what came down in that case file.
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter xx


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